what if.....

I've always wondered what it would be like if I just disappeared and was out of everyone's life. I bet that everyone would be happy and not worry about a shitty person like me. I get discriminated, judged, and patronized everytime I do something "stupid". that really makes me mad. I know I'm not smart or anything but I'm not retarded. I hate that people judge me so severely. it's been like that for the past 12 years at least. but if I just disappeared forever, then there wouldn't be a problem.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

My mind.....just why??...

well sry for the late post....but a lot has happened in the past two weeks. I'm here in hot springs, typing on my blog, and trying to relax. I cant focus, I can't even stay around my friends bc they cuddle with their significant other. All I can do is just get away and sit down and be in my own world. Its not their fault that they r dating ppl, just that I can't handle any of that right now. I know no one ever reads this blog so this gives me a chance to let everything out without anyone thinking different of me. I feel stupid and useless. I'm nothing but crap. That is what I feel. I try to not worry but it only gets worse. I can only sit in the lobby and eat cheetos and type away. I feel so secluded by my friends and by everyone. I feel like I only can be myself when I'm by myself. I'm not meant for this earth. I fail at everything. why do I even try. I'm crying inside and have to build walls in order for me to hold my feelings inside. people don't understand what I feel yet they "think" that they know. my life completely sucks and I just wanna scream to the world. I don't even know if I can handle the competition tomorrow because of how many couples there will be. I feel like I'm a stranger and that no one knows me. all I can do is stay quiet. none of my friends will txt me when they are near me or even come talk to me so I just stay here and watch others be happy. I don't know what happy is anymore. I don't think I'll ever know. I bet that they dnt realize that I left the room and all that bc they are all happy. I cnt barely type anything now bc of my emotions. I'm nothing and forever will. be I guess bc that's how I was born. I was born a bad child to where I would have a suckish life and it will stay that way. My family hates me, my teachers hate me, everyone hates me. I'm nothing. I'll just end my blog here and hope to be able to type later on. bye.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]